Wisdom For My FB Friends About Relationships by Marcus Williams
The only reason I create this in an hour was because all my friends had relationship problems in their FB status updates! Go figure. This is wisdom for all those who have problems in their relationships and are either looking for clarity or choosing to grow together with their partner. I’ve learned all these things from studying, observing & experience of: Life, Family, Friends, Society & Myself. This dialogue, book or note is open to grow, so if you feel the need to add to this please do. I love you all. Let’s go.
Let’s be clear. No one is perfect. If that is the case, please let go of the high idealized men & women you have in you mind. Cause face it, they’re not going to be able to live up to your expectations. No one can. But, they will live up to their own preferences and yours. Most relationships fail because, we throw our versions of perfection (which we receive from media, family, friends & ourselves) on others. This begins in the beginning, he’s perfect or she’s perfect. Then something changes. Or they do or you do. Either way, one mate or both realize they can’t live up to the “other” and so their “real self” begin to emerge and neither partner is satisfied by that so they eventually break up. Cause, some one did not meet your needs or live up to your expectations. If you or know someone who’s relationships repeats this cycle. It would benefit you “the person” to stop that, if that doesn’t work for you. If it works keep on doing it, if its getting you somewhere.
Everyone has a past, both male & female. We come into this life with a past. So our past is created into our minds by our parents, family, friends, schools, society and culture. Some of it works for us, some of it doesn’t. But it’s your responsibility to figure that out. Thus, we all have issues, pain, past broken hearts, fears, etc; That we either have let go or not have forgiven ourselves to let go. So we hold on to the pain, to vent it out against our attackers and place ourselves as a victim again, again and again. Some of us use our past hurts or pain, not to forget, but to remember what has happen to ourselves and not to ever, ever, let that situation recur again. None of these are right or wrong. But, if you are bringing these issues into a loving relationship (one that you get close to another, potential marriage partner, or serious relationship) this will become a problem as soon as the “other” ignites that out of you. Now, you have some choices when this happens, which it will. Either, deal with it, by recognizing the fact you haven’t dealt with our issue. Correct the issue by healing yourself and move on. Or, continue to allow that issue to become a problem and lose the one person you connected with, bonded with, possibly want to grow old with and be single again. Thus, before you begin a relationship, communicate your feelings honestly upfront about your past. So both of you will know where the relationship is going or not going to go.
The only reason that “other” is there is:
1) for you to learn about them (the things you love about them & the things you dislike but still love about them)
2) to learn about yourself
3) for them to learn about you.
4) for them to learn about themselves.
That includes everything. The ups the downs, everything. That’s why things start off great and then obstacles begin later because, in order for both of you & the “other” to grow, there has to be some challenge their for both of you to evolve together. Remember this, if nothing else about relationships. So, embrace the drama, the love, the joy & the pain because, it’s in the process (present moment or moments) that matters the most. If you take heed to this. You will definitely be ahead of the game of life.
Communication & Listening:
Communication is important. Listening is important. You can’t have one without the other. If your mate is talking, listen. You will get to say whatever you need to say. Just be patient. If you feel there is something you feel you might forget, write it down or jot points. When your partner is finished talking. Repeat back what you heard in your own words, just to acknowledge that what was heard is what was said. Then move on to expressing your feelings. Then you partner does the same. The problem with communication is not everyone communicates. Partners withhold things inside, suppressing their emotions, opinions, ideas, for the fear of not feeling they will be heard, or hurt by their partner or their partner chooses not to listen. Another reason is partners tend to speak when they feel comfortable or in the right mind (ability to communicate thoughts) to talk to their partners. The first, presents an issue in the long run and not so noticeable in the short. The feelings of the partner who feels they cannot express their feelings openly & honestly with tact, will suppress those feelings until “the moment” they explode sporadically. Which will create a lot of emotional drama for both parties. We have witnessed this either personally or impersonally. The second, is an immediate opportunity to listen to your partner’s feelings, understand them and communicate your feelings so they can do the same. The second, prevents obstacles in the long run with communication issues. Thus, communicate openly & honestly and listen openly and attentively and you will have grown in your relationship as a unit or individually.
Freedom & Control:
If you look at Love as a concept you would realize that love is: Freedom, Joy, Expansion, God, Truth, Beauty, Wisdom, Compassion, Courage, Strength, Life & more. If love is all these things. We then should not attempt or try to control what our mates think, say or do & where they go. They are not are property. They will never be. No matter how hard we enter relationships and obsessively or compulsively attempt to control another person’s spirit. God did not create us for that purpose. Thats why humans will rebel. You cannot control anyone, but your own thoughts, words and actions. That’s it. So accept that now. Partners who don’t usually accept this, abuse their partners who they say they love either: Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically or Spiritually. Abuse period is not beneficial if your purpose in a relationship is to create joy, love & happiness. Thus, love is not control. It is freedom. If you do not choose to be controlled, leave. If you do, stay. Either way you are making a choice.
What is the reason for relationships?
The reason for relationships is to create something. Not find “the one” or love or anything. If you are trying to find something, you are saying you don’t have it. And if you don’t have it. Then you are looking for something to fulfill you. Which that will never happen and will push whatever you’re looking for away. On the other hand, if you know that you are love, and your goal is to create a loving relationship with another, then so be it. But, enjoy the process along the way. Don’t focus to much on the goal. Keep a balance if you can or when your are out of balance that will create problems. So, live your life right now, as it is. Be happy. If someone comes along while you’re loving the job you do, activities you do, or things you do so be it. But, always, always, continue to do what was making you happy when you meet that person and after. Cause if you don’t you will lose yourself in them. And neither of you will be happy.